Spring 1905, "Dearest. The choice between writing to you and seeing Yale College is no choice at all"
Mount Holyoke College,
South Hadley, Mass.
Department of English Literature.
In New Haven Station.
April 6, 3 P.M.
Dearest. The choice between writing to you and
seeing Yale College is no choice at all. I
can think of nothing and nobody except my
Mudgie. Ouch, oh! Dearest, I am so full
of regrets, so full. I have never loved
you so much as in the last two weeks,
yet I have failed you. And you have
had even to tear up my letter. But
Muddie, is it not a comfort to realize
that something belongs to you, even if
that something is jealous and irascible.
Sweetheart, I thought you would grow
to be an old woman before any sorrow
could come to you and then it
would not be quite the same. I have
been so lonely, lonely, lonely; lonely, too,
because you could not understand. Still,
my Peddy, I have wished sorrow far
away from you. And now I fail
you at the key instant you need
me. What shall I say, May darling?
What can I say?
Dearest, if I say I will come next
Summer, will you take care of me
and help give me a chance to do
the work I long to do? Ten years
from now if I have not accomplished
something by way of writing I will be
a disappointed woman, at [?] [?] too old to have another
chance in just this sort of work. If I give all to
you and give up the idea that I must protect
myself from you, will you really care for
my work as well as loving me? Will you,
Dearest? If you will, please answer these
questions, Sweet and I will keep the letter
in a coat pocket for constant reference when
you break the rules. I cannot be happy away
from you, yet supposing I should be wit-
less [??] because I have given in to you?
Do you understand, dear Dearest?
I can still see your eyes as they
looked at me while the train moved
out of the station, I am yours, Beloved
Peddy, let that comfort you. Home for me
is in your arms. Last night that right side
of the bed was missing and then very [???]
for away [??] was peace and love. I am
not really [?], Sweetheart; I’m certain to
be a better girl if you will just make
the girl that you hear will [??] show me
less consideration than you saw somebody
you love as well. Well, Dearest,
you will find your kiss and your better
girl in this letter. Mudgie, do not let anyone
have any of yours - apart, Dearest, that
belongs to me only. I will write tomorrow
morning. Your own little Girl.
Jeannette Marks, “Spring 1905, "Dearest. The choice between writing to you and seeing Yale College is no choice at all",” Digital Exhibits of the Archives and Special Collections, accessed March 21, 2018, https://ascdc.mtholyoke.edu/items/show/572.