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Summer 1906, "Dearest, your two letters have just come"

Title

Summer 1906, "Dearest, your two letters have just come"

Subject

Finances
Travel
Longing

Description

Marks speaks of love for Woolley and anxiety over their communication

Creator

Jeannette Marks

Date

August 8 1906

Format

Correspondence

Identifier

ms0865-s01-b40-f07-i001

Text

[1]
Beddgeten, Wales [??]
August 8, 1906
Dearest, your two letters have just come and your card which
when translated sounds very business-like and serious. I
don’t know why I called “Richardson” [??] - I wasn’t [?] -
so I called Ranger. [??] Well, I [?] cannot re do -
Rangelayed [??]. It’s nothing but joy at the prospect of
seeing you. I’ve been almost crazy and now
D.V. has come to see you - is the greatest relief in
the world although I know well enough the [??] nice thing
it harbors. You did the very worst thing you
could have done in not calling me, in not
seeing to it that my letters would reach you, in not
writing me yourself. And the worst of it all is that
you don’t understand and, Dearest, I’m afraid
you never will. I am scared it may be too late.
Wrinkles have gone into my face and my heart from
this experience that no new [?] [?] my letter
and. You don’t know yet what bitterness beyond
any [?] my life has brought; how it has entirely
affected my mind so that altho I may kiss you
yet. I have no confidence in myself as a [?] to
you. I love you in the same passionate
demanding way I loved mama, and yet in so
[?], I [?] how much time before I come home.
[2]
I am jealous of you: I would kill anyone who tried
to harm you. And I could die for you a thousand
times over and never know a pang. But I have
known neglect, desertion and an ill history. I have
known more years and more [?] of the years
that it was to be an incubus than a necessity to
[?] about me. And every once in a while
those horrible hours of my girlhood when
there was no place for me return with a
suspicion that after all you do not, rather
cannot love me. There have been times in
the last month when waiting for letters that
did not come, a [?] to show you needed me
as you needed me in the past, I could
have gladly gone down in a dozen floods.
I cannot have the quiet, happy, normal development
of your womanhood. It would be hard to
break you but I could snap like a piece of
stone [??] with a flaw in it, any day. If only you
would try to understand. I don’t want
any [?] sympathy, I don’t want to be
kept from myself but, oh! it will be such
a comfort if I could feel you would not
do anything that would let me crazy
almost [??] so. They that trap to [?] [?]
[?] [?] very ill flat on my back.
[3]
You needn’t think I’ve sat around moaning
and [?] waiting, for Harriet. I’ve written two
stories, and articles for a London newspaper. I’ve
been in the [?] for material, I’ve started [?],
I’ve read several papers, and I’ve been off on
four different exploration tours after [?]. I
breakfasted yesterday morning at 5.45 and went
to Dana’s [??] at lunch, took a train there from
Pen-y-yeves [??] and walked five miles to
Clynny [??] and then had the pleasure of seeing
one of the most beautiful old Churches it was
an [?] [?] lot to me, put [?] [?]
hundred years old. And today I left the
house at 8.30, went by stage to Postmador [??],
walked eight miles to see an old church at
the shore, Preflys Church [??]. Last week we
went down by [?] seeing churches and
[?] [?] [?] in the Barmost [??] region.
Monday I sent the girls off to the lake
country where Dowery’s [??] lunch ritual [??] was and
am to come [??]. So that the week’s trip I’ve
made in happy solitude. I like it better so,
for I am starting experiments with simple people
when there are not two giggly girls around.
I have come to have a kind of affection
for Daisy Fisiman [??], she has good legs, a
[4]
good mind and a good heart - an excellent
companion for a walking trip. M.M. is better off
off the road [??] than in it. Besides, she grasps
and I will tell you of her mother’s inclinations [??]
when I see you. The Fisimans here have everything
that could be desired. We shall start out
in our [?] Tuesday; I think I [?] find make
to Paris and [?] I [????]
[???] requested. I suppose she will
stay with us and upon landing to go at once to
her parents who [?] into [???]; Please
don’t suggest me doing anything else. I’ve more
than done any duty by her, and if we
arrive later in the day I wish a quiet night
in Boston with you or at Portland, then
on to Rangery [??], preferably Kennetago [??]. Helen and
Dorothy Foster sounded [?] glad to me and
I wish we could all have luncheon together and
supper ‘cause I’ve some breakable presents
for the boys - you bet. I’ve [???????]
anything you ever saw - unexpected-like and
extraordinary, I fear, it will [?]. But it’s so
charmed by [?????] I want to get a
great due [??].
Speaking of presents, what did you send
me the £70 for? I don’t need it and
[5]
I don’t know what to do with it. I think I’ll
[?] it in one boom and then bring it home
to you. That gives me [?] £12, so
perhaps I shall have to use it and then you’ll
get it back when [?] parents arrange to
back and fro [??] as well as Muddie does for
me on any [?]. Perhaps you’d like me
to buy some stuff for [???????????]
be [?]? It doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe
I’ll find some nice great prints poster-[?]
[?] in Lunpine [??] [????????????] for a
party [???????????????????]. I’m here
[??????????????] fetching get-ups.
Won’t you please, dear, [????] note at
the [?????] and say nothing? Then I can
pretend I’m your real Santa Claus. It’s all
right and will be easy [?] off in the [???].
I want you to have an easy month [??], and it’s
made me face big [??] to be drive business [??] for you.
To go back to the subject of being away: I don’t
want to be anywhere near this Cadys is home. [??]
The drummer’s [??] had enough sorrows without adding
the answering [?] of Came.
Peddy, I’ve seen very little [?] since I
left you; I don’t think you’ve guessed
any of them. I shall express them at my first oppor-
[6]
tunity - that is, when I can do so without being urged to
do so. You’ll be surprised to know that my feelings
have been too much like yours are at certain times
when I will remember. --- Well, dear, ten days
more here, the ten days, in the sea. But then
you knew this these will be only ten days for you
perhaps less if the train makes good time.
Before I forget it, let me speak of a fear
[????????]. Do [??????], a small temper,
some [???] for my descending looks, and some
[???] Hugh’s remedy. I’ll bring a tea
basket if I can find one at a reasonable price.
Then we can set up [??????] in the words come
you can play you are the Duchess English
Tea and I’m playing [?] Tea.
Thursday morning
Dearest, I’m having a great deal of trouble [?] the
[?] garage. I planned to [?] on Marjudson [??] [?]
Gregon 18, that the Bohemian has been fast on in
her place. One has seen accommodations so there is no
place for Darcy [??] just at present and now to cap the
China try on changed been done of sailing to August [??]
22nd. I’m just worried then can we get some [??]
on Atlantic Transport August 18. Then I shall
try to make [??] August 17 to Boston. They are
same day ships and that means Muddie we have
[7]
to hustle. If the [?] comes to the east I shall
try for Mature. [??] That might be what we [????]
[?] Boston. It’s so upsetting me to know where
[?] is to be in the next few days. As soon
as I know for most part been to escape I will
send and. [??]
I had a letter from Davey [??] today; she says
Miss Babs [??] was at the Beach last week. I suppose
you didn’t see her [?].
Dearie, you’re no [?] of the [?] in
which the nearest life things. Really, it’s passing
human understanding. I do honestly think it was [?]
of you and Helen to let her come even when you
know it might complicate things.
Now I must [?????].
Your own devoted little Girl.

Citation

Jeannette Marks, “Summer 1906, "Dearest, your two letters have just come",” Digital Exhibits of the Archives and Special Collections, accessed December 15, 2017, https://ascdc.mtholyoke.edu/items/show/573.